Love is in the air

No, it's not like that.

You gotta love an ob-gyn who listens to your stressors, hugs you, and goes out to her car to lend you her hot pink boxing gloves because it's good exercise and she knows you really want to punch someone.

I ♥ my doctor.

Fuck. Just Fuck.

I need to get this out there and I don't know how to start, so I'll just lay it out.

I've only shared this with my pastor and to a group of internet friends that I've known for about 15 years - (the semi-anonymity helps, I think)

But without going into all of the details, G and I haven't been on the same page for quite some time. How did it start? disagreement over parenting decisions? a messy house? me only working part-time? different goals? different expectations? different ideas about what's okay in a fight? who knows?

But the bottom line is that we have grown farther and farther apart and our relationship is getting uglier and uglier.

I have my faults and blame in this as well, but from my perspective, he is so miserable and resentful that he has turned into an emotional and verbal bully to me and to M. Not so much E. He is critical and nasty about absolutely everything I do and has completely disengaged from our family life. Some of you have seen glimpses of this over the years. You've also seen my part in this - I'm thinking particularly of dynamics on the boat. I'm not perfect and never have been.

He has refused to go to counseling with me, despite me asking for several years. For my part, I have procrastinated in going myself because I was afraid of going to someone that he wouldn't be comfortable with. That was not a good decision.

I finally went to the LCSW therapist that we went to last spring when I caught M high. He's very insightful and got a chance to see some of our family dynamics.

G has said off and on after every fight for years, that he's "had enough", he's "done", he "works too hard to be this miserable", "works to hard to put up with this mediocrity" and has threatened divorce. He's been more vocal about this recently.

I do NOT want this. I have always been of the mindset that we can work through this if we would only be able to talk about it with a third party who could help us navigate through this.

He finally agreed to talk to B (for those of you who don't know him, he's a Y friend and colleague who is also a chaplain and a counselor).

Please pray for us and I only hope that we haven't gone so far astray that there's still hope for us.

I haven't shared this with many people I'm not sure how to proceed. It may take me a little time to get this out, so please don't share with anyone else. I have always kept most of this private because I didn't want to betray our marital privacy, but I think it's gone too far now and I need some perspective and support.

I can't do this alone and I believe that those of you who stood up with us at our wedding are a part of our support and I need you.
******
Update:

We met with B last night.

Well, the first 3 hours last night were emotional and Bruce said he thought there was hope. He suggested individual and couples counseling and said it would be hard, and a lot of work. He mostly listened and tried to get George to open up.
G has so much pent up anger and resentment.

Then something happened, and during the last hour, G did a 180 and said, no, I can't do this and unleashed a torrent of verbal vomit and emotion and pent up rage at me.

B had to admit that we are toxic and maybe we shouldn't be together. G has absolutely no love for me, and said that several times. B recognized that I still love G but that I need to be in a situation where I can rebuild self-esteem and where we are away from each other - for our health and for the kids.

He suggested a separation. And separate counseling. And maybe divorce.

He's going to go back to Massachusetts next weekend to talk to his parents. I don't know what he's going to say. B has urged him not to trash me, but he has so much anger and resentment that I just don't know. I love G's parents and don't want to lose that relationship.

For those of you who are friends with us both, I don't want to lose you either.

G has agreed to move to the boat this summer.

I am devastated. And panicked. And heartsick.

I keep thinking this is so unfair. All around. Please keep us in your prayers. I really miss the man I fell in love with and married.

I don't think this is going to be public knowledge in Y circles yet, so please keep this to yourself.

For some of you, this is no surprise... either because you have watched us interact over the years, or because G apparently unloaded to some of you, when I was struggling with this in private.

I had to get it out there and it is difficult to talk about.

I love each of you for the part you've played in our lives.

I'm alive

But barely.

Truthfully it's been a sucky year and I find it hard to funny, snarky, observant, or anything else when things are in the toilet.

That, and Bloglines changed it's whole format and screwed up my nice way to keep up with my favorite blogs and comment and be funny and connected, etc. So, I've just about given up the bandwagon.

I have almost given up on Twitter, which means either that I'm not tweeting enough to get noticed, not entertaining or not even mildly witty.

I have, however, been spending a timesuck obscene amount of time on Facebook. Mostly because I like to play Scrabble and Bejeweled Blitz. And because imaginary friends are easier to deal with than the real emotions and time suck of IRL people and friends. Sad, I know.

Miss you all.

Random Rants

It's that time of year again - Random Rants and Raves.

Except I don't think I have any Raves right now.

• If you're going to sell Plus-Size clothes, for God's sake, would you please use plus-size models? Do you have *any idea how stupid a thin model looks like wearing a tent and trying to make it look cute? At least some curves would give the tent some shape.
  
• I have come to realize that I really (really) do. not. like. the season between Halloween and Easter. You can have it all - Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's, etc. I'm perfectly happy with Arbor Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day and Labor Day. Really.
• New York's "new" ballots suck. A lot. They're time consuming, wasteful and just stupid.
• Teenagers. You can have'em
• Husbands. You can have him, too.
• Blogging. I suck at it.
• Fat. Mine, not yours.
• Clutter.I'm not a Hoarder. Yet.
  
• Leaves. You know what I'm talking about.
• Growing old. I know I had more, but I forgot already.
  

my blog: Letter to my daughter ( in the wake of senseless t...

READ THIS!

If you're a parent - READ THIS! If you are a young adult - READ THIS! If you are an aunt, uncle, friend of a young adult - READ THIS!


my blog: Letter to my daughter ( in the wake of senseless t...: "Hello my girl, I wanted to say hi and tell you how much I miss you and that I hope your classes are going well and that you are having fun ..."

Too lazy? unmotivatated? untalented? to post!

I really am alive. I'm just too lazy to post more than 140 characters. Here's proof:

It's also proof that I am neither witty or interesting. Hope you're having a great summer!

kwr221

That's you!

---

Your lists:

1. Lawmakers want to outlaw eye-rolling, Yeah, good luck with that. "Top Stories" ( http://bit.ly/9ylpR5 ) 8 minutes ago via twitthat
2. Hives. Or poison ivy. (again!) wth? either way - steroids and ant-itch pills. that don't go well with wine. Bleh. 19 minutes ago via web
3. 
   
4. Hey Coach - Really? A 7:25 AM high school football practice on Labor Day? Why? about 8 hours ago via web
5. feeling overwhelmed. Mon Aug 16 16:36:17 2010 via web
6. Tom Petty and CSN at Darien Lake = awesome concerts! #ROC Sun Aug 15 15:46:33 2010 via web
7. Ready for Tom Petty and CSN! Sat Aug 14 18:47:22 2010 via Twitter for iPhone
8. Why, o why can't I find Born Peony ballet flats anywhere now that I've fallen in love with them? Fri Aug 13 15:32:32 2010 via web
9. In a sea of tacky, embarrassing reality shows, I kind of really like the normalcy of Gene Simmons Family Jewels. Who knew? Fri Aug 13 08:51:35 2010 via web
11. @LEprLibby It's already past my bedtime, lol #landsend Thu Aug 12 22:01:19 2010 via web in reply to LEprLibby
    • Delete
12. FADKOG My kid smells like sweat, Old Spice deodorant and roses. I seriously don't think I want to know what he was doing at the neighbor's house. Thu Aug 12 21:55:09 2010 via web Retweeted by you
13. blogdangerously Facebook has suggested the same strangers to me so often that now I feel like I might know them. Thu Aug 12 21:32:43 2010 via TweetDeck Retweeted by you and 2 others
14. 
    
15. okay, Twitter? Could you please slow down a little? K thx. Thu Aug 12 18:57:54 2010 via web
16. @SpanxINC How come BodABing doesn't come in real sizes? An XL = 10-12 equiv is not real. How about sizes to help the ppl that need it? Thu Aug 12 18:45:14 2010 via web in reply to SpanxINC
17. Just had the Best. BLT. evah. With tomatoes from my neighbor! Yum! Wed Aug 11 18:27:31 2010 via web
18. .@Jen_Fletch a blog of your own would be AWESOME, no doubt! Wed Aug 11 11:23:19 2010 via web
19. great night to get a cupcake! @smbscupcakes Got my t-shirt too! #ROC Tue Aug 10 18:20:32 2010 via web
20. At Mamasan's - had a craving for spicy noodles. #roc Tue Aug 10 16:18:00 2010 via txt
21. @Fritolay Why can't I get All Dressed chips in US? Only in Canada. Tue Aug 10 11:44:38 2010 via web in reply to Fritolay
22. CourtlyCheck Drove today from Cayuga Lake to Seneca. IMHO, summer wine country of southern Finger Lakes rivals even Napa & Sonoma Valleys. Sun Jul 25 19:19:52 2010 via UberTwitter Retweeted by you
23. .@3BrosWine ... also loved the Stoney Lonesome Chardonany and the Bone Spirit red. Tue Aug 10 11:30:11 2010 via web
24. @3BrosWine Wish I were in town! Went last weekend on Sun. after dropping off the kids at camp and LOVED it! Had a War Horse IPA last night! Tue Aug 10 11:29:26 2010 via web in reply to 3BrosWine
25. .@BodenUSA I am In Love. http://www.bodenusa.com/en-US/Clearance/Womens-Shoes/Heels/AR434-RED/Womens-Hibiscus-Bow-Peep-Toes.html Tue Aug 10 11:19:54 2010 via web
26. wish twitter had a "like" button Tue Aug 10 08:40:23 2010 via web
27. 
    
28. This would've been great! Wish I knew about it before my trip! Walkway Over the Hudson State Historic Park http://shar.es/0m4fc Mon Aug 9 15:36:12 2010 via ShareThis.com
29. Catching up on last week's Mad Men ... "You're never going to get me to do anything Swedish people do. " ROFLMAO Sun Aug 8 22:32:32 2010 via web
30. theglamlife Best. Sign. Ever. From Ny BlogHer. nearby bar? http://twitpic.com/2cvuc1 COMEDY (has some potty mouth words in pick. careful) #HomeHer10 Sun Aug 8 14:38:41 2010 via TweetDeck Retweeted by you and 2 others
31. War horse black and tan #FTW Sun Aug 8 16:53:45 2010 via txt
32. I'm at three brothers winery! Perfect! Sun Aug 8 16:47:52 2010 via txt
33. Why am I getting sucked in to Pretty Little Liars? Sun Aug 8 09:41:31 2010 via web
34. Did so much this weekend - Regatta, Reunion, NYC, cousins, friends, ... only thing I didn't do was crash #BlogHer10 Sun Aug 8 08:20:09 2010 via web
35. Chinatown! Little Italy! Drinks! Nightlife! Great night in NYC! Sat Aug 7 01:11:58 2010 via web
36. @stuffedcannolis got the last cannolis of the night! Yum! Sat Aug 7 00:48:53 2010 via web in reply to stuffedcannolis
37. NYC - here we come! 2 suburban moms on the loose with no kids or spouses! Fri Aug 6 17:53:32 2010 via web
38. 
    
39. ikea. I love you. 12:10 PM Aug 6th via txt

not swallowing sucks

wow.

you know that feeling when you have a sore throat and you try to swallow and you can't?

And you end up gaping like a fish?

And you think your throat doesn't work.

And you sort of panic because you reallyreallyreally want to swallow?

Yeah, it sucks. Especially in the middle of the night.

Also.... when I googled on the web, I found out that
1. it's called dysphagia and
2. it can be a symptom of anxiety and stress.

Ya think?

Geesh, what a month April was.

Mother's Day

Guess what would be THE. MOST. PERFECT! Mother's Day present EVAH!?

A night

(ALONE)

in a hotel with room service, a stack of books and a good movie channel.

(I got the idea from someone else, but it's too good not to share)

:::hint, hint:::

(Extend it to a weekend and it would make a great 50th birthday present, too)

;-D

Hope you have a fabulous day!

don't get excited - this is not a real post

It's just a random dump of things floating around my brain this morning.

• I LOVE the the mornings before work when everyone has left the house
• I hate forgetting what I want to write about
• I know uploading photos is 't hard, but it's time-consuming
• I'm not a professional blogger, I'm not branded, I don't do ads or make any money. But I love the blogging community and the new friends it brings.
• I might love Twitter more.
  
• I also love the contests and give-aways. I've been blessed to win a few. Nothing big, but small things that make me smile. And introduce me to new small businesses and cool stuff.
• The DVR is a wonderful thing.
• Teenagers will be the death of me. Not all of them. Just mine.
• The reason? Exposure to pot and alcohol, bad grades, disrespectful attitude, and school troubles.
• Yeah, it's been like that.
• Yes, working out is a great idea, but damn, I'm sore. And it seriously cramps my couch-potato style
• The YMCA has great exercise schedules for business execs who can work out at 5 AM and then go to work, or for moms and retirees who can work out at 10 AM, but NOTHING for a mom who has to wait until the kids are on the school bus at 7 AM and still get to work by 9.
• My obsession with gourmet, cream-filled cupcakes and has led to new friends and wonderful taste experiences. but has been hell on my waistline.
• This cupcake place is heaven on earth in Rochester and everyone is so friendly there you feel like you've walked in to Cheers.
• My daughter is seriously fun to hang out with.
• I would seriously like my cats' lives. Except I don't like fish and the pooping in a litter box thing isn't so great. And they don't get to eat cupcakes.
• I met Miss Thystle in February! And I haven't posted pics yet.
• Both of my children are in danger of appearing on Hoarders sometime in the future.
  
• I need about 3 more hours in every day.
• MOre sometime soon - Happy St. Patrick's Day! Be safe and have fun!
• Yes, St. Patrick's Day is the Last. Unspoiled. Holiday. Remember this post from last year? On Holidays that are Ruined by Hallmark
  
• Unless, of course, you've gotten caught up in the whole let's-set-a-leprechaun-trap. Then? I'm sorry.
  

I. Can't. Wait.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Miss Thystle over February break and Lorrie this summer! Who else?!

Ummm...

Hello?

This posting every other month thing isn't working out so well.

I'm sorry.

But follow me on Twitter if you want to see what's going on. I'm here.

Since I've been here last, I've:

• had the in-laws visit :-)
• got a black-eye :-(
• gone to some fun holiday parties :-)
• had some trials and tribulations with the RTAS (Rude Teen Age Son) :-(
• Bought myself an itouch :-)
• cleaned out the basement after a leaky pipe :-(
• found some great old photos :-)
  
• Bought myself a Wii Fit :-)
• Gone to Florida after Christmas :-)
• Battled the stomach bug - every. one. of. us. starting in Florida :-(
• written some very entertaining blog posts In. My. Mind. :-X
• been planning a trip to Phoenix in February with the fam. Grand Canyoj here we come! :-) Thystle watch out! I'll be in your neighborhood.

This would be easier if loading pics were easier.


HaPpY NeW YeAr!!!!!

a nonsequitor

Okay, so I know I have 2 months worth of stuff to rant ramble and rave about...
but I'm stopping in to get this off my chest.

You know those check out lines in the take-out section of the grocery store (Wegman's)? The ones where you can avoid the long lines and just pay for your sandwich or salad bar?

Well, I was there yesterday and in utter amazement at the woman (who cut in front of me, otherwise I honestly wouldn't have paid attention) with a little cart (the cute ones you use when you only have a dozen things to pick up, except I like them and use them all. the. time. and then need a second cart when they're all bagged. But this rant isn't about my transgressions, is it?)

Anyway.
This woman had one of those little carts at the takeout register and it was so full that she had to tuck her mega size package of paper towels under her chin.

No kidding. She had a week's worth of groceries (or just a really bountiful Thannksgiving meal) piled into that sucker. At lunchtime, When other people just really wanted to pay for their sandwich or salad and get out of the pre-holiday shopping frenzy.

I'll be back someday.

Have a wonderful, blessed Thanksgiving.

Eat until you have to unbutton your pants (or skip the pants all together), laugh until you (almost) pee on yourself, and savor everything.

GoOd MoRnInG!

Or should I say,

Good Morning, CHICKENS!

This is what I saw when I dropped my son off at school this morning at Friggin' Early O' Clock.

That is all.

Enjoy the day!

It's not much, but

Check it out, that's our boat in the background. No, not the sailboat. the other one.




I should be getting ready for a youth group meeting, so since procrastination is my middle name, and I'm avoiding the sick people in my house, here are just a few pics from the last month.

We bought a little jet boat. It's used and 13 years old, but it's a lot of fun for waterskiiing.
(Umm, not ME - the kids)

We went to the Loggins and Messina concert at Bethel Woods.
(That's WOODSTOCK, in case you didn't know. Look it up if you're younger than 40)
Had a little tailgate party.

Sat in the Wavy Gravy Hog Farm bus
Saw things that no one should see.

We picked up our kids from camp in the Adirondacks. Yes, the deer are *that tame up there.

We had a great time reuniting with cousins.
Yeah, can you see that Emma is not in the photo above? She was in the bathroom. Family Picture FAIL.

We went to Toronto for Labor day and the lake (Great Lake Ontario) was as smooth as glass. For reals.
We went to a Yankees game (they won).
We went the Canadian National Exhibition (the Ex) and had fried fair food,
rode some "Oh, hell NO" rides,
Yeah, you're right...not me, the kids rode them.


saw some magic, watched this amazing guy balance big rocks on top of small ones,
rented rollerblades. (Yes, ME - don't you dare laugh)
First day of middle school
The passenger window won't go back up so I fixed it with contact paper and duct tape. Classy all the way.

Whoa, I should do this more often. But I gotta say, the uploading picture thing is a PITA.

My morning dilemma

Every morning when I pour my coffee, I have a difficult decision to make.


Which of these AWESOME coffee mugs, made by AWESOME women, do I choose to drink out of?

it's often determined by the kind of mood I'm in.

The mug on the left is by the fabulous Lorrie Veasey of Our Name is Mud.
And the mug on the right is from Sheree of Museware Pottery.


The reverse side of the one on the left says "Domestic Goddess". I use that one when I'm drowning in clutter and dirty laundry.

The "Bite Me" mug comes in handy when I'm fed up with those around me.

This morning I used the Domestic Goddess mug. But it could have just as easily been a Bite Me morning.

**** note: this is NOT a compensated post****

I was just lucky enough to receive these mugs in giveaways from these ladies' blogs last year and I want to bring their AWESOMENESS to your attention.

So, grab your cup of coffee or tea, and go visit their blogs and websites and see what you might add to your cupboards to express yourself when you have morning cuppa.

PS. I hope you appreicate how much work it took to get a photo of the mugs while hiding the debacle that is my kitchen.

I'm sorry

My header is now officially a LIE.

I promise I'll be back soon for reals.

Having a great summer though...

...summer birthdays

...family boat trip

...with fishing
...saw buskers in Kingston, ON

...kids at camp

...fun lunch with blogging buddies. Yes, we wrote on the restaurant walls. No, it was not vandalism

...won a blog giveaway yay for Fabulous Frosting FlipFlops and thank you McMommy!

FYI - this purple color? Called "Can you dig it?" by OPI.
Got it at a pedicure in Kingston, ON and
just found out it's a discontinued color from 2007.
Guess what? Found it on Ebay! :-)

...major car breakdown enroute to NYC area, Saved by a marine. No, really, it's true.

(Emma in the cab of the tow truck)

....stayed in a hotel with DD and saw this

(yes, it's a senior citizen in a speedo)

...great visit with my cousin

...great visit with bloggers in NYC {glaring at Lorrie}
...they were funny...LOVED the ferry
... great Jackson Browne concert at CMAC

...boating with friends

...[some] alone time with my husband, although not as much as I thought for being an empty-nester. It's true when they say time flies when you're having fun. Can I slow it down please? My kids will be home in a week and I NEED MORE TIME!

...yes, I do miss them.
... but this is nice, too
...ice cream for dinner, brownies for breakfast, less laundry, less dishes, no bickering. {hey, even DH and I haven't raised voices in more than a month. hmmm}
[OHMYGOSHWHENWILLMYKIDSBEHOME? IMISS THEM!] just not the bickering and laundry stuff.
...grown up evenings out on the town - wine, no kid's meals
...going to see Kenny Loggins at Bethel Woods next week! Should I wear tie-dye? DH wants to see the Woodstock Museum before the concert.