kids and pain

You know, as a parent, that when your kids hurt, you hurt.

Number one son is 12. That can be a tough age. But this post isn't about me. :-) This time it's about him.

He received an in-school suspension for something that happened yesterday. It seems that a girl poured milk on him at lunch. So why does he have a suspension? Because he called her a name.

:::sigh:::

I went to talk to him about it, fully prepared to lecture him about name-calling, and lunchroom behavior, etc. But I could see it in his eyes. Something was different. He didn't try to talk his way out of it. He just started to cry.

Ouch. His pain is my pain. Linked from birth. 9 months of sharing space and a body and growing pains. Yup, his pain is my pain.

Turns out that some kids have been calling him names.

Fat.
and stupid.

Neither of which describes him. I know it sounds silly, but are there any more hurtful words when you are 12 and on the cusp of finding out who you are, on the cusp of manhood ( I know, that might be a touch dramatic), trying to fit in?

He's a tall boy - my height and I'm 5' 8". Bigger feet than I have (and I'm a 10). Yes, he's soft at the middle, even with a paunch. But definitely not fat. He could go either way at this point - it could turn to hard, strong muscle, or all to flab. I know that.

And yes, I'm sure that the name-calling and milk-throwing wasn't totally without provocation on his part. He's a kid that sometimes doesn't know when to stop, sometimes invades personal space, sometimes can be too much of a wise-guy. But he's a good kid. Really.

So we had a good, long talk. We talked about how his behavior can influence others, we talked about how he is not defined by labels that others might give him, and we talked about how he can make decisions to make his body stronger if that's what he wants.

We talked about more, sure; but mostly we cried and hugged.

Being 12 can be a land mine.