I will tell you about a few unfortunate incidents that have occured to me this week.
Exhibit #1
- I hid my work keys somewhere safe and I thought, handy; since I had no need for 3 dozen heavy keys from 3 different churches on my week-long jaunt about a Carribbean island
- I also cleaned out my car, so I wouldn't be *quite as embarrassed at leaving my 6 year old MomVan at the dealer's for a week
- I came home from vacation on Monday. As of 5 PM today, Thursday, I could not find them
- How well could I Freakin have hid them and WHATHAPPENEDTOMYMEMORY that I can't remember where I put them after only one week!!!??
- I'm beginning to panic here, people, this is not good for my blood pressure.
- I looked in a box in the laundry room
- I looked under my bed
- I looked in the shoe rack
- I looked in the garage
- I looked under the couch
Tonight at dinner, I found them.
In a box (aha! I KNEW it) that I had hidden under the skirt of the dining room chair I was sitting in. Yes, it was the first night this week that I actually sat at my dining room table. It's been a busy week back.
Whew.
Exhibit #2
- I went to get my hair cut today
- [on the plus side, my stylist (is that what you call the hair-cutter?) complimented me on the boxed hair color (medium brown) that I used on Monday in my desperation to hide my gray hair]
- on my way out, the receptionist asked me if I would like to have my eyebrows waxed for free.
- Hey! Wow! It's my birthday! Woot! Oh wait no, that was last week.
- Oh, shit. I must be bushy. No, wait, I don't have thick brows and while I'm pretty lax about tweezing, I don't have a lot of hair there and my brows have a pretty normal shape on their own.
- So, okay, why not? I explain to her that the last time I was waxed, I can still see some redness on my brow bone. A year later, people.
- I do realize that she is in fact, offering free waxing, not because I'm hairy or it's my birthday; but because she's trying to recuit new clients. Okay, cool.
- While in the chair (OUCHITHURTS!) she offers to do my upper lip area.
- F&*%, maybe I am hairy!?
- No, she says, even she (in all of her 24 years of glory) waxes there too. "Everybody does"
- Oh, hell, it's free too, so why not?
- HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS GOOD! WHATTHE H-- DID I JUST DO???!!!!
- That HHHHUUUURRRRRTTTSSS!
- I left sporting a lovely angry red puffy mustach and nuclear red eyebrows.
- And I had an errand to run at Wegman's. Such a lovely sight.
- Yeah, it was that pretty.
- Ummm, NO, there are no pictures.
