I know this has been done before...

Gems from my inbox this morning:

• an email telling me to update my HSBC password. Ummm, I don't *have an HSBC account, dude
• I qualify for a Government Grant... I've been getting a lot of these lately. Maybe I've been foolishly ignoring them when really it's my fair share of the gazillion-bajillion bailout? I'll have to retrieve that one from my trash can. Right?
• free business cards - this is the 5th offer this week. Am I missing something?

• printer ink - like the 12th offer this week. ANd I don't even print that much.
• And this I haven't seen in a while...I was beginning to think that they cut me out of the will or something:
  

DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS
FOREIGN REMITTANCE DIVISION ATM
DIAMOND BANK PLC BENIN
WEST AFRICA

ATTN MY DEAR
NOW WE HAVE ARRANGED YOUR PAYMENT OF ($2.5MILLIONS) TWO MILLIONS FIVE HUNDRED
THOUSAND UNITED STATE DOLLARS IN ATM PAYMENT CARD TO BE SENT TO YOU THROUGH
WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER PAYMENT AND  THROUGH MONEY GRAM TRANSFER PAYMENT:
YOUR PAYMENT WILL SENDING TO YOU BY WESTERN UNION,AND BY MONEY GRAM THE AMOUNT
YOU WILL RECEIVE PER DAY IS $14,300USD,$7,150USD YOU WILL RECEIVE THROUGH
WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER AND $7,150USD YOU WILL RECEIVE THROUGH MONEY GRAM
TRANSFER.
THE MINISTER TRUST FUNDS OF BENIN REPUBLIC WILL SEND YOU THE CURRENTLY STANDARDS
TRACK DETAILS YOU NEED TO PICK UP YOUR ($14,300.USD) PAYMENT BY WESTERN UNION
AND MONEY GRAM, YOU WILL RECEIVE EVERY DAY TILL YOU RECEIVE THE $2.5MILLIONS
UNITED STATE DOLLARS, NOW NO NEED TO SEND YOU THIS ATM CARD BECAUSE YOU CAN NOT
BE ABLE TO WITHDRAW THE ATM CARD DUE TO THE ATM MASTER CARD CONTAIN LARGE MONEY
ON IT.
THE DIRECTOR ADMINISTRATOR TRUST FUNDS HAVE ALREADY SIGNED YOUR PAYMENT, NOW YOU
ARE FREE TO COMPLY WITH WEMACO PAYMENT OFFICE ON THIS EMAIL:
(bankbenininfofinancial6@gmail.com)
HOWEVER, KINDLY CONTACT THE BELOW PERSON WHO IS IN POSITION TO RELEASE YOUR
PAYMENT BY WESTERN UNION AND BY MONEY GRAM PER $14,300.USD A DAY.
MRS LULU MENSAH,WESTERN UNION DEPARTMENT
FINANCIAL BANK BENIN,
MOBILE: +229-9634-3602
E-MAIL: (bankbenininfofinancial6@gmail.com)
THE FINANCIAL WESTERN UNION PAYMENT CANTER AND FINANCIAL MONEY GRAM PAYMENT
CENTER HAS BEEN MANDATED TO ISSUE OUT YOUR PAYMENT AND YOU HAVE TO STOP ANY
FURTHER COMMUNICATION WITH ANY OTHER PERSON(S) OR OFFICE(S) TO AVOID ANY HITCHES
IN RECEIVING YOUR PAYMENT.
NOTE THAT THE ADMINISTRATOR PAYMENT NEED THIS DETAILS FROM YOU TO PROCESS YOUR
PAYMENT:
RECEIVER NAME:-----------------
COUNTRY:-----------------------------
CITY ADDRESS:--------------------------------------
TEL:----------------------------------------
TEST QUESTION:--------------------
ANSWER:--------------------------------
COMPLY NOW BECAUSE AS SOON AS YOU SENT THIS REQUIRED DETAILS TO MRS LULU MENSAH
HE WILL START SENDING YOUR PAYMENT BY WESTERN UNION AND BY MONEY GRAM REGARDS TO
YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ,THANKS AND BE BLESS .
DR.CHRIS MOORE
THE DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS
FOREIGN REMITTANCE DIVISION

Omigosh.... $14,300 PER DAY! Woohoo!  BUT, I have to cease communication with any other persons or office.

But...but... what about my friends from Nigeria? I can't let them down.  They're COUNTING on me, dammit.

Spam, spam, spam, spam

Spam. I get a lot of it.

But sometimes it's really funny.

For instance, today's spam included a handy offer for cheap breast augmentation.

As if I'd entrust the medical care of my body (the temple) to someone CHEAP.

AND who trolls for patients on the internet.

Particularly funny since I had a REDUCTION earlier this year. Har, har.

Oh, and the usual Viagra, generous Nigerian solicitors offering me their kingdom for a pittance, along with their cohorts - Nigerian widows who are looking to donate their millions to a worthy like-minded Christian organization or person, and online degrees, internet dating, and friendly lasses who invite me to come chat. hah!

Somehow I missed out on the latest Brittany one that's been circulating.

Anyway, more later, but I really need to get out of here and I've procrastinated practically the whole day away.

There was something else (nonspam related) to share, but I've forgotten already. Must be my advanced age.

Coincidentally, when I spoke with Number One Son in the Adirondacks (in between mountain climbing expeditions), he informed me he had Spam yesterday.